Dear Sex…

For the past year or two it has been an open letter season and I sat down and thought maybe I should join the trend and pen down one. Then I thought; who bothers me? After so much dileberation I came to the conclusion that it is you my friend that needs a word or two from me. I used the word “friend” above cautiously because I don’t know where I stand with you anymore. I fought internally with myself at first as I wasn’t sure this is appropriate. As you never left your phone numbers, twitter handle, instagram details, BBM pin, e-mail address, physical and postal address or your Facebook name I came to the conclusion that this would be the only way to reach you.

I don’t think you understand the sacrifices that I made. I’ve wasted over half of my life chasing you. At clubs, under skirts, at parties, around the world and I even once had to pay to see you. You took me for granted, took my heart and ran it straight into the planet. So you better hear me out this much; you owe me. I gave up my life for you, totally devoted to you while I’ve stayed faithful all the way. And this is how I fucking get repaid?

I was always in a rush to get back to you. Not even once have you said you appreciate me. I deserve respect. I’ve done my best to give you nothing less than perfectness. And I know that if I end this I’ll no longer have nothing left. You know what you’ve done so there’s no need for me to go in depth.

I feel like all my life I’ve bended over backwards for you(metaphoriacally ofcourse) and all you ever did was laugh at me. Cause that ain’t good enough for you, is it? Do you expect me to fold myself in half until I snap? Don’t you think I’m loyal? You are always jealous when I spend time with love and friendship. Why I’m married to you still I don’t know. All I ever felt was this helplessness. Imprisoned by your selfishness.

It’s ridiculous.

And still I stick with this. I’m sick of this but in my sickness there’s this obsession and addiction. You’re addictive as they get. Evil as they come; vindictive as they make them.

My friends keep asking me why I can’t just walk away from you. I tell them I’m addicted. To the pain, the stress, the drama. I’m drawn to you so I guess.

Over the years you have cheated on me, abused me, used me, humiliated me and spat right back at my face when I confronted you about it. Disappearing for months on end with no word, like now.

You made a list of you top achievers and left me off it. And when you spoke of people who meant the most to you. You left me off your list again. Was it a mistake? Was it intentional? I studied all your kamasutras and shortcomings. You once told me I’m the “King of style and master of oral”. Was that for naught? Have you forgotten already?

I’m still mad but you know I can never breakup with you or even dream of it. Remember how we used to stay up for hours on end? How we’d have the shortest to the longest conversations at still feel fulfilled when we parted? I’m sorry if I bored you last time with all that talking. Please come back home. You know how much I hate your sister, Horny, but she’s the only company I seem to attract now. Please come back home.

Yours trully, in lust.

Of-course I Said It


Dear Angie Motshekga… And colleagues

First of all let me congratulate you on somehow being able to hold on to the position of Minister of Basic Education which I still believe you don’t deserve. How you do it, I might never know. Secondly I need to make it clear that I am not a member of any political party nor a member of any academic institution. I’m writing this as a concerned South African citizen and also as a worried parent. I am black so you and your colleagues won’t be able to pull the race card on me nor any political card for that matter. I am not a black for rent as I’ve made it clear countless times before how racist(one who loves his race so much) I am. I am constantly sickened by how my fellow black compatriots keep selling their own skin for a capital gain but that’s something for another time.

Now that we got that out of the way I would like to focus more on the point in hand, The Education System or more recently the Matric fraud and utter failure.

You might not be aware of this but you are the most important person in South Africa. You hold the most important title in the country. More important than the President, more important than defense or finance ministries. Yours is the heartbeat of this country and all the other departments feed, either directly or indirectly, from the work of your department. So if you fail in your portfolio all the other departments as well as the private sector will fail. The opposite is also true. A country like Japan came from collapse shortly after the second world war to become the third largest economic powerhouse in the world. All because of education. Not weapons, not tax, not by building their president a mansion nor by taking mines and farms by force. Just simple old fashioned education.

So by fully grasping the importance of what you do would you be able to see that a quick effective and radical transformation is needed in your department.

It is however possible that you are aware of the above but you have been ordered by your bosses to deliberately underperform. See I know the benefits of having an ignorant and illiterate constituency. Zuma would have never got away with the Scorpions, Waterkloof, Nkandla and all those other countless sagas in a country of literates like Germany or France. Mbeki and gang would have never survived the arms deal saga. Nor would you have escaped prosecution for the textbook debacle if you were under the Chinese goverment.

The more stupid people are the simpler they can be controlled. Look at apartheid with bantu education, look at slavery and how blacks were not allowed to read and write. Stupid uneducated people can be controlled by means of SASSA grants, E-tolls, RDPs and the likes. Uneducated people don’t question the history the goverment feeds them. Uneducated people will overlook the fact that a man who started a military wing of a movement dies painted the most peaceful man on earth. I know how a party like ANC can benefit from failing matrics and school dropouts.

But the country will never, I’ll repeat that, NEVER survive a nation of illiterates. See everything in the monetary system is interlocked. The more people fail and dropout the more unemployable the nation would be. And the more unemployable the people are the more poor they will be. And the more poor they are the more they will be inclined to commit crime. The more crime there is the less foreign investment the country will get. And the cycle will go back and forth until the people revolt and there starts xenophobia and a civil war.

How many countries need I make example of for you to see the truth? We are ranked 146th out of 148 countries when it comes to the quality of our education according to “Global Information Technology Report 2014”.

Now let’s get to the latest Department of Education fraud. 2014 Matric.

In 2003 we had 1,252,071 learners enrol at schools across the country according to Dept. Of Education… Last year only 668,660, of which its 55% of the number of people who started with grade one in 2003, made it to matric. According to Umalusi the national pass rate is 75.8%… Now if you take into consideration the numbers of people who were supposed to have been in matric last year, 1,252,071, you would actually see that the matric pass rate is a big fraud. The actual pass rate would be somewhere around the 40%s. Schools often encourage, directly and indirectly, poor performing learners to drop out of school so as to maintain a high pass rate. So along the way our school system sweep learners under the rug so that the you can stand next to a microphone and lie to the nation through your yellow teeth. What happened to the other 500,000+(45%) learners that were supposed to have matriculated last year? Well they either queeing for SASSA now or mugging, raping, killing and committing all kinds of criminal activities.

All for the sake of ANC’s fabricated “good story to tell”. R2.2 million paid for a stadium to celebrate mediocrity? Couldn’t that money be made available to schools to offer better career orientations and life courses to potential drop outs? Couldn’t the goverment spend R264million on providing assistance to parents on how to breed winners? Should we be celebrating an actual 45%± pass rate achieved through a 30% pass mark?

Minister I am your boss as a taxpayer and a constituent. So I am demanding that you put real value to my tax money and start doing your job properly. If I don’t pay tax, you will not get a salary. If I don’t exercise my voting rights you would not get that fancy office and title. As your employer I am giving you an ultimatum as I’m sure I speak for the rest of concerned South African citizens and parents. You have until the end of this year to make effective changes to avoid a class suit instituted by me and the rest of concerned parents. Get off you high horse and start earning your salary.

Sincerely yours,
Your Boss
Mogomotsi Sebaetse

Of-course I Said It

Dear You… And me

I have 4000+ friends on Facebook, yet I’m lonely
I speak to most of them everyday, yet none of the really know me,
The problem I have sits in the spaces between looking onto their eyes or at a name on the screen,

I took a step back and opened my eyes and looked around and realised that this media we call social is anything but social…
When we open our computers or smartphones; its our doors and hearts we shut

All this technology we have; is just an illusion
Community, companionship, a sense of inclusion yet when you step away from this devicisive delusion you wake and you see a world of confusion
A world were we slaves to the technologies we mastered
Were information gets sold by some rich greedy bastard

A world of self-interest, self-image, self-promotion
Were we share our best moments but leave out the emotion
We arent always happy with the experience we share but is it the same when no-one is there
Be there for your friends and they will be there too
But no-one will be there; if a group message will do

We edit and excagerate crave adulation; we pretend not to notice the social isolation
We put our words into order mad set our eyes at listening
We don’t even know if anyone is listening

Being alone isn’t the problem, let me just emphasize
When you read a book, paint a picture, or do some exercise you being productive and present
No reserve to recluse
You being awake and attentive, you putting your time to good use
So when you in public and you start feeling alone, put your hands behind your head and step away from the phone

You don’t don’t need to stare at the menu or at your contact list
Just look to your side and talk to one another
Learn to co-exist
I can’t stand to hear the silence of a busy taxi rank or mall
Where no-one wants to talk from the fear of looking insane
We becoming unsocial, and it no longer satisfies to engage with one another or looking into someone’s eyes
We are surrounded by children who since they were born, have watched us living like robots and think its the norm

Its not very likely to be the world’s greatest dad if you can’t entertain a child without using an IPad
When I was a child I was never home, I’d be out with my friends with my toys and getting dust and soil all over our clothes at the parks
Now the parks are so quiet it gives me a chill
To see no children outside and swings hanging still
There’s no skipping, no morabaraba, no “di Ali”
We are a generation of idiots, smartphones and dumb people

So look up from your phone and shutdown the display
Take in your surrounding and make the most of today
One real connection is all it can take to show you the diferrence of being there…
Be there in the moment when she gives you the look that you remember forever as when love overtook
The time she first held your hand, the first time she kissed your lips
The time you first disagreed but still loved her to bits
The time you don’t have to tell hundreds of people what you have just done
Because you want to share this moment with just this one
The time you sell your computer so you can buy a ring for the girl of your dreams who is now the real thing
The time you want to start a family
And the moment when you first hold your little girl or little boy and get to fall inlove once again
The time the baby keeps you up at night and all you want is rest
And the time you wipe your tears when your baby leaves the nest
The time you take in all you made just by giving life attention
And how you glad you didn’t waste it by looking down at some invention
Cause when you busy looking down at your phone, you don’t see the chances that you miss

Put down your phone and live life…
Go enjoy nature and leave all the distractions behind
Our time in this world is short
And after all the textings and chats we are all we really got…
Put your phone down already

Of-course I Said It

My kind of relationship…

Over the years our world(or what we frequently refer to as the real world” and the internet(the world wide web or the web world if you may) have constantly collided in a way that nowadays we can’t tell one from the other. Examples range from where we get our news now to how we do our shopping. But most of all how many opinions are forced upon us by the “experts” in every field. Back in my day I relied upon my close friends and/or family for advice on matters such as health, love, life, sex and money issues among other things. Nowadays with a click of a button or rather a touch on a screen of what started out as a tool to make calls we can access an array of views on what matters.

During the past couple of years I’ve come to experience and play victim to such advices from internet experts. Being constantly flooded with blogs and sites that profess to know “the answer” to love and having two of my exes refer to those said platforms for guidance should count as enough reason for me to write this post. As people tend to forget that the very same sites they religiously follow are written by people learning from life just as them, I feel compelled to share my view.

There is no school of love, nor a love doctor/professor. No-one knows you or your partner the way you or your partner know each other. No two people ever behave the same regardless of what science tells you. So how can you expect someone to preach to you about their experiences in a way that absolutely without doubt relate to you? His or her love experience WILL never be your experience. NEVER. Many factors are at play here – chance, timing, society, intelligence, emotional intelligence, upbringing, friends, family, etc. And no one person can have the same experience as the other. Highly impossible.

So here I will write out my two cents worth as to what a relationship should be like, taking into consideration the factors that makes us so uniquely different to each other…

1. Look for someone who understands that sh*t happens and sometimes things don’t work out. Not someone who will promise to love and be with you forever(such a long time that is, way beyond death itself)

There is no-one who will ALWAYS love and who will never leave you. Despite their promises, its impossible to know what the future holds so how can someone give you the unknowns? Situations change and so do people, so that person who promises you to be the same forever needs serious medical attention. Every single second a change occurs so you mean to tell me you want someone to stay and feel EXACTLY the same way they feel for the rest of their lives? Maybe its you who should be checked in to a medical facility, mental one to be precise.

2. Stay away from anyone who sugar coats things and always tries to please you.

Wish it as much as you can but I promise you, you will NEVER get a 24/7 smooth relationship. Sh*t happens, sometimes by our own doings and sometimes we have no control over them. Look for someone who will be frank and open with you. If you are wrong and s/he says you are right, how will you ever change to be a better person? We need criticism and who better to give it but the one person you trust with your heart? Humans learn from their mistakes and use the lesson to do better. That’s how evolution happens. Being shown you are wrong gives you(or rather should) the chance to fix yourself and grow. The partner that always agree with you and “protect you from the truth” is actually inhibiting your personal growth.

3. Communication is NOT really the key to a good relationship. Well not the communication we talk about nowadays.

We have a variety of communication platforms nowadays. Facebook, Whatsapp, Instagram, Twitter, etc. You know what I’m talking about. When we link, or should I say upload, our relationships to 3G connections we loose all the good feeling in the process. “I love you” or “I miss you” on the phone or instant messaging applications will never be as good as when said face to face. Nor will words ever speak louder than actions. I like to playfully say “I won’t tell you I love you everyday, just know that I do and if that ever changes I will tell you”. Why can’t we have it that way? We tend to want to hear it even if actions clearly prove it. Words unlike actions can be altered and modified to the speaker and the listener’s liking. For example how many times have you typed “lol” with a straight face? Don’t you think s/he can type “I love you the same” way?

So just because s/he doesnt send Good Morning nor Good Night Texts doesnt mean they love you or miss you any less.

4. You were born complete and no matter who you loving when you die, you are gonna die incomplete; without your soul or body depending on the angle you look at it.

You need to be able to go on for at least half a day without talking to your partner and not feel incomplete. As an individual you are already complete, trust me. As a couple you should aim to be better, wiser, stronger. You should help each other grow as individuals and thus grow as a couple.

5. You can live without each other. I swear.

Usher, R. Kelly, Chris Brown, Drake, etc… They are all lying. You can live without him/her. Why lie? Let each other know your boundaries and consequences of crossing those boundaries. Why waste my time? If you can’t or won’t be what I need then move on so I can have enough time to look for a better you. Simple.

6. Movies are planned.

Relationships in movies, soapies, novels are well thought out scripts. Rehearsed, modified and planned to be perfect. Snow White, Cinderella and all those movies are lies. Pure lies. You should be too grown to be chasing faitytales. This is real life and things don’t always go according to the script. Yet with understanding you can always create your own happiness…

Remember gold and diamonds always burn before you wear them as jewelerry…

The world is coming to an end, in the words of PRINCE EA

The world is coming to an end,
The air is polluted, the oceans contaminated,
The animals are going extinct, the economy’s collapsed,
Education is shot, police are corrupt,
Intelligence is shunned and ignorance rewarded,

The people are depressed and angry
We can’t live with each other and we can’t live with ourselves,
So everyone’s medicated,
We pass each other on the streets,
And if we do speak it’s meaningless robotic communication,
More people want 15 seconds of fame,
Than a lifetime of meaning and purpose,
Because what’s popular is more important than what’s right,
Ratings are more important than the truth,

Our government builds twice as many prisons than schools
It’s easier to find a Big Mac than an apple
And when you find the apple
It’s been genetically processed and modified
Presidents lie, politicians trick us
Racism is still an issue and so is religion
Your God doesn’t exist, my God does and he is All-Loving
If you disagree with me I’ll kill you
Or even worse, I’ll argue you to death
92% of songs on the radio are about sex
Kids don’t play tag, they play twerk videos
The average person watches 5 hours of television a day
And it’s more violence on the screen than ever before
Technology has given us everything we could ever want
And at the same time stolen everything we really need
Pride is at an all time high, humility, an all time low
Everybody knows everything, everybody’s going somewhere
Ignoring someone, blaming somebody
Not many human beings left anymore, a lot of human doings
Plenty of human lingerings in the past, not many human beings

Money is still the root of all evil
Yet we tell our kids don’t get that degree
Their jobs don’t pay enough
Good deeds are only done when there’s a profit margin
Videos of the misfortunes of others go viral
We laugh and share them with our friends to laugh with us

Our role models today 60 years ago would have been examples of what not to be
There are places where people can legally be discriminated against Because they were born a certain way
Companies invest millions in hiring specialists to make Little girls feel like they need “make up” to be beautiful
Permanently lowering their self esteem
Because they will never be pretty enough
To meet those impossible standards
Corporations tell us buy, buy, buy, get this, get that
You must keep up, you must fit in
This will make you happy, but it never does for long

So what can we do in the face of all of this madness and chaos?
What is the solution?

We can love
Not the love you hear in your favorite song on the radio
I mean real love, true love, boundless love
You can love, love each other
From the moment we wake up to the moment we go to bed
Perform an act of kindness because that is contagious
We can be mindful during every interaction
Planting seeds of goodness
Showing a little more compassion than usual
We can forgive
Because 300 years from now will that grudge you hold against Your friend, your mother, your father have been worth it?
Instead of trying to change others we can change ourselves
We can change our hearts
We have been sold lies
Brainwashed by our leaders and those we trust
To not recognize our brothers and sisters
And to exhibit anger, hatred and cruelty
But once we truly love we will meet anger with sympathy
Hatred with compassion, cruelty with kindness
Love is the most powerful weapon on the face of the Earth
Robert Kennedy once said that
Few will have the greatness to bend history
But each of us can work to change a small portion of events
And in the total of all those act
Will be written in the history of a generation
So yes, the world is coming to an end
And the path towards a new beginning starts…
…within you

Of-course I Said It

My Status be bad… Funny FB status i wrote a while back

6 year old son asks dad, “dad whats the difference between hypothetically and literally?”. Dad says “ok son watch this”, dad turns to wife. “wife would you sleep with Motsepe for R2Million?”. Wife : definitely. Dad turns to daughter with the same question. Daughter : of-course. Dad then ask his older son the same question. Older son : for 2mill? Hell yeah… Dad turns back to 6 year old : so you see son, hypothetically we are 6 Million rands richer but literally we sitting with 2 prostitutes and a homo.

A drunk guy (Sizwe) is in a taxi sitting and drinking HEINEKEN next to this beautiful lady (Zinhle). The drunk guy (Sizwe) said: I love you’!… The lady (Zinhle): Is it heineken talking or what?? The drunk guy (Sizwe): No its me talking to my heineken, thanda kabi ukushelwa! …

i saw two blind guys about to fight. i shouted “MY MONEY’S ON THE ONE WITH THE KNIFE”… you should have seen how fast they ran off…

Me : i’d like to sleep with you tonight.

Her : i got a boyfriend.

Me : i got a maths test tomorrow.

Her : whats that have to do with anything?

Me : i thought we naming things we can cheat on.

Real class

A husband walks into the bathroom with a glass of water and 2 disprins and gives them to his wife… wife asks “what is that for?”, husband says “its for your headache”, the wife says “what headache? I don’t have any headaches” then the husband jumps and says ” Aha I got u, u don’t have a headache now so whats your excuse going to be tonight?”

I’d probably be a lesbian, if it wasn’t for my penis…

Tomorrow is national orgasm day! Will you come?

Surprise sex is the best way 2 wake up…. Unless u r in prison… Then u r fucked… literally…

Are you a female? Aged between 14 and 59? Living in South Africa? Love shopping? Love your hair? Love your skin? Have a valid South African ID? Love to travel overseas all expenses paid? Would you love to meet Trey Songz, Usher, Chris Brown, Drake, Wale? Well if you fit all those requirements GUESS WHAT!!! Waphapha, nothing’s for free here shem

A zulu guy walks into a maxis wit de intent on satisfyin his hunger… he only wants to eat chicken, ntn else… problem is he doesn’t knw wot inkuku is called in english… s he sits down a white waiter cums 2 him nd asks – can i help u sir… de guy tries 2 order chicken bt he’s stuck, so he luks arwnd nd sees a tswana havin eggs nd bacons… he den points at de eggs nd says “I WANT THEIR MOTHER”…

A xhosa guy arrives home frm work… his job is to wash dead ppl at de local mortuary… so he gets home to a warm hug nd kiss from his wife hu den asks hw was work… de man says “ay it was hectic s usual today but today i washed a body of a man wit da biggest dick eva”… den de wife screamed nd said “hawu baba ungadixelele kuthi ubaba sthembiso se a shonile” (dnt tel me dat sthembiso is dead… ke lehipi, wena?…

THERE’S A TECHNIQUE IN LOVE: We follow the rule “Love one another” and if doesn’t work, just swap the last two words: “Love another one”… ke lehipi, wena?…

a guy naked in front of de mirror turns 2 his frwnd nd says “y do i always get a hard on wen i c myself in de mirror?”… frwnd replies “cos even yr cock thinks ur a bitch”..

I hef a chinese made microwave oven wit a “stop time” button… It’s probably meant 2 say “stop timer” bt I dnt touch it… just in case… u can neva trust de chinese…

Success is lyk pregnancy coz wen u got any of em ppl wil congratulate u but dey don know how many times u’ve been fucked…

16 Questionable logic made by women – compiled “Ofcourse I Said It”

  1. They beg you to watch the movie they want to watch… Then falls asleep,
  1. Love to be seen publicly in Bikinis but hates being seen in an underwear and bra(??? Seriously?)
  1. Gets mad when you don’t reply back in an argument then throws a temper tantrum when you do…
  1. She will have a minimum of 20 shampoo/conditioners bottles in the bathroom but only half will have something in…
  1. Wants a gentleman but when you start acting like a nice guy she friendzones you…
  1. She will ask you for an honest opinion regarding her weight, you dogdge the question she gets angry, you answer she gets angry still…
  1. Tries loosing weight by eating a lot of snacks while sulking about her weight…

(you won’t believe they do this after reading it but they do, trust me)

  1. She will tell you “do whatever you want” DON’T. She doesn’t want you to do whatever you want. Its a trap fellas
  1. She will intentionally make you like her even thou she doesn’t like you one bit…
  1. They claim to be too classy to watch porn, but give them a romantic novel and they’ll read the shit out of that sex scene…
  1. Shaves off eyebrows only to draw them back on…
  1. She will argue with you for hours then say “you know what, I ain’t even going to argue with you”… Eh???
  1. She expects you to pull out a chair out or her, hold the door open for her, pay for her when you out on a date, protect her BUT you must treat her like your equal while doing all this… Eish
  1. They say all men are the same, then she gets so picky when she wants a one…
  1. She puts fake colour to her cheeks and face, puts fake hair or hair that’s not hers on, carry fake bags, sunglasses and even wear fake clothing labels but guess what… SHE WANTS A REAL MAN…
  1. She will say “nothing” and “I don’t want to talk about it” when you ask her what’s wrong… What she means guys is the exact opposite…