My Status be bad… Funny FB status i wrote a while back

6 year old son asks dad, “dad whats the difference between hypothetically and literally?”. Dad says “ok son watch this”, dad turns to wife. “wife would you sleep with Motsepe for R2Million?”. Wife : definitely. Dad turns to daughter with the same question. Daughter : of-course. Dad then ask his older son the same question. Older son : for 2mill? Hell yeah… Dad turns back to 6 year old : so you see son, hypothetically we are 6 Million rands richer but literally we sitting with 2 prostitutes and a homo.

A drunk guy (Sizwe) is in a taxi sitting and drinking HEINEKEN next to this beautiful lady (Zinhle). The drunk guy (Sizwe) said: I love you’!… The lady (Zinhle): Is it heineken talking or what?? The drunk guy (Sizwe): No its me talking to my heineken, thanda kabi ukushelwa! …

i saw two blind guys about to fight. i shouted “MY MONEY’S ON THE ONE WITH THE KNIFE”… you should have seen how fast they ran off…

Me : i’d like to sleep with you tonight.

Her : i got a boyfriend.

Me : i got a maths test tomorrow.

Her : whats that have to do with anything?

Me : i thought we naming things we can cheat on.

Real class

A husband walks into the bathroom with a glass of water and 2 disprins and gives them to his wife… wife asks “what is that for?”, husband says “its for your headache”, the wife says “what headache? I don’t have any headaches” then the husband jumps and says ” Aha I got u, u don’t have a headache now so whats your excuse going to be tonight?”

I’d probably be a lesbian, if it wasn’t for my penis…

Tomorrow is national orgasm day! Will you come?

Surprise sex is the best way 2 wake up…. Unless u r in prison… Then u r fucked… literally…

Are you a female? Aged between 14 and 59? Living in South Africa? Love shopping? Love your hair? Love your skin? Have a valid South African ID? Love to travel overseas all expenses paid? Would you love to meet Trey Songz, Usher, Chris Brown, Drake, Wale? Well if you fit all those requirements GUESS WHAT!!! Waphapha, nothing’s for free here shem

A zulu guy walks into a maxis wit de intent on satisfyin his hunger… he only wants to eat chicken, ntn else… problem is he doesn’t knw wot inkuku is called in english… s he sits down a white waiter cums 2 him nd asks – can i help u sir… de guy tries 2 order chicken bt he’s stuck, so he luks arwnd nd sees a tswana havin eggs nd bacons… he den points at de eggs nd says “I WANT THEIR MOTHER”…

A xhosa guy arrives home frm work… his job is to wash dead ppl at de local mortuary… so he gets home to a warm hug nd kiss from his wife hu den asks hw was work… de man says “ay it was hectic s usual today but today i washed a body of a man wit da biggest dick eva”… den de wife screamed nd said “hawu baba ungadixelele kuthi ubaba sthembiso se a shonile” (dnt tel me dat sthembiso is dead… ke lehipi, wena?…

THERE’S A TECHNIQUE IN LOVE: We follow the rule “Love one another” and if doesn’t work, just swap the last two words: “Love another one”… ke lehipi, wena?…

a guy naked in front of de mirror turns 2 his frwnd nd says “y do i always get a hard on wen i c myself in de mirror?”… frwnd replies “cos even yr cock thinks ur a bitch”..

I hef a chinese made microwave oven wit a “stop time” button… It’s probably meant 2 say “stop timer” bt I dnt touch it… just in case… u can neva trust de chinese…

Success is lyk pregnancy coz wen u got any of em ppl wil congratulate u but dey don know how many times u’ve been fucked…

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