Over the years our world(or what we frequently refer to as the real world” and the internet(the world wide web or the web world if you may) have constantly collided in a way that nowadays we can’t tell one from the other. Examples range from where we get our news now to how we do our shopping. But most of all how many opinions are forced upon us by the “experts” in every field. Back in my day I relied upon my close friends and/or family for advice on matters such as health, love, life, sex and money issues among other things. Nowadays with a click of a button or rather a touch on a screen of what started out as a tool to make calls we can access an array of views on what matters.
During the past couple of years I’ve come to experience and play victim to such advices from internet experts. Being constantly flooded with blogs and sites that profess to know “the answer” to love and having two of my exes refer to those said platforms for guidance should count as enough reason for me to write this post. As people tend to forget that the very same sites they religiously follow are written by people learning from life just as them, I feel compelled to share my view.
There is no school of love, nor a love doctor/professor. No-one knows you or your partner the way you or your partner know each other. No two people ever behave the same regardless of what science tells you. So how can you expect someone to preach to you about their experiences in a way that absolutely without doubt relate to you? His or her love experience WILL never be your experience. NEVER. Many factors are at play here – chance, timing, society, intelligence, emotional intelligence, upbringing, friends, family, etc. And no one person can have the same experience as the other. Highly impossible.
So here I will write out my two cents worth as to what a relationship should be like, taking into consideration the factors that makes us so uniquely different to each other…
1. Look for someone who understands that sh*t happens and sometimes things don’t work out. Not someone who will promise to love and be with you forever(such a long time that is, way beyond death itself)
There is no-one who will ALWAYS love and who will never leave you. Despite their promises, its impossible to know what the future holds so how can someone give you the unknowns? Situations change and so do people, so that person who promises you to be the same forever needs serious medical attention. Every single second a change occurs so you mean to tell me you want someone to stay and feel EXACTLY the same way they feel for the rest of their lives? Maybe its you who should be checked in to a medical facility, mental one to be precise.
2. Stay away from anyone who sugar coats things and always tries to please you.
Wish it as much as you can but I promise you, you will NEVER get a 24/7 smooth relationship. Sh*t happens, sometimes by our own doings and sometimes we have no control over them. Look for someone who will be frank and open with you. If you are wrong and s/he says you are right, how will you ever change to be a better person? We need criticism and who better to give it but the one person you trust with your heart? Humans learn from their mistakes and use the lesson to do better. That’s how evolution happens. Being shown you are wrong gives you(or rather should) the chance to fix yourself and grow. The partner that always agree with you and “protect you from the truth” is actually inhibiting your personal growth.
3. Communication is NOT really the key to a good relationship. Well not the communication we talk about nowadays.
We have a variety of communication platforms nowadays. Facebook, Whatsapp, Instagram, Twitter, etc. You know what I’m talking about. When we link, or should I say upload, our relationships to 3G connections we loose all the good feeling in the process. “I love you” or “I miss you” on the phone or instant messaging applications will never be as good as when said face to face. Nor will words ever speak louder than actions. I like to playfully say “I won’t tell you I love you everyday, just know that I do and if that ever changes I will tell you”. Why can’t we have it that way? We tend to want to hear it even if actions clearly prove it. Words unlike actions can be altered and modified to the speaker and the listener’s liking. For example how many times have you typed “lol” with a straight face? Don’t you think s/he can type “I love you the same” way?
So just because s/he doesnt send Good Morning nor Good Night Texts doesnt mean they love you or miss you any less.
4. You were born complete and no matter who you loving when you die, you are gonna die incomplete; without your soul or body depending on the angle you look at it.
You need to be able to go on for at least half a day without talking to your partner and not feel incomplete. As an individual you are already complete, trust me. As a couple you should aim to be better, wiser, stronger. You should help each other grow as individuals and thus grow as a couple.
5. You can live without each other. I swear.
Usher, R. Kelly, Chris Brown, Drake, etc… They are all lying. You can live without him/her. Why lie? Let each other know your boundaries and consequences of crossing those boundaries. Why waste my time? If you can’t or won’t be what I need then move on so I can have enough time to look for a better you. Simple.
6. Movies are planned.
Relationships in movies, soapies, novels are well thought out scripts. Rehearsed, modified and planned to be perfect. Snow White, Cinderella and all those movies are lies. Pure lies. You should be too grown to be chasing faitytales. This is real life and things don’t always go according to the script. Yet with understanding you can always create your own happiness…
Remember gold and diamonds always burn before you wear them as jewelerry…